Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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