One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
