I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize