theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
