YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
