Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
