Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
