Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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