Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
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