Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
