Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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