So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
