did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize