Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I can't turn off my feet"
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
