He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
