you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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