Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
