are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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