just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
