youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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