I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
My brain says no but my pants say off.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
