His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
