i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
