he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I touched a dick in church today
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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