don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
