why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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