when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
is wine microwaveable?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
