I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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