I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
