some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
