Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
