i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Enjoy the penises
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
