Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
