Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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