is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
