i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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