i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
