Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
