haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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