"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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