Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
