She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
