Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
