now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
My penis needs a shock collar
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize