im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
