Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
