so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
