just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Someone came in the potted fern
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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