Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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