thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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