you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
