You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
