When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
