WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
