How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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