I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
