wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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