Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
