Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
