Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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