I'd wear matching sweaters with you
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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