What did we do last night that was yellow?
I hope mine doesn't look like that
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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