do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Randomize
