fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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