Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
