We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
