Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
We talked him into tasing himself.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Randomize
