Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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