Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
