Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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