so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
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