11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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