So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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