You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Randomize
