Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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