Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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