And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
