yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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