I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
