I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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