can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
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