dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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