hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
