I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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