I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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