i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
