weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
