my room smells like sperm. sweet.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
