Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
