Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize