the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
